Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
nutella sex= disaster
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
