I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
