my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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