He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
