they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
