I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
