And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
