I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
