I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i will never coherently bang her
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
