What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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