mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
