drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I pour the whiskey from now on
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
