Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
