i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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