Farmville is her only friend.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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