Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
