when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
