his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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