I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
