WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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