she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
