Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize