3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
