Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
