It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
