Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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