We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
