He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize