wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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