you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
