so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
