Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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