So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
