just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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