trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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