Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
