WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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