I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
