I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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