Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
