i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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