New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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