Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
