They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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