let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
