i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
