Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
