The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
