I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
