My nipple is on Facebook.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
