Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
