3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
