Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
