apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
