Do you still have your period?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
