there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
