those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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