Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
