If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
