dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
