He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
