We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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