my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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