Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
