The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
