I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
