someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
