his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize