If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
