In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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