When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
