I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
