1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
