I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
