Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
