Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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