Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
