Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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