giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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