What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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