Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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