Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
