Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
