Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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