I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Actions speak louder than pants.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
