Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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