The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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