i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
