I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
