Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
