I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize