we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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