He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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