I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I did not marry a roomba.
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