She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
