Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
