Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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