Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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