A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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