a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
either way he was missing a nipple.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
