your thong is hanging out like whoa
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I looked at my own cervix.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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