All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
People in love make me want to vomit
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
