yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
