Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
