It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
