oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
