my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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