DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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