I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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